Editing my brain

a.... week?
6/26/2026 15:41  I don't know how it is possible but it has only been a week since I last made a blog post. A week? It feels as though I have lived an entire lifetime.  I feel as though I have lived an entire lifetime. I retyped that because... wow. It's been one of those weeks where EVERYTHING happens. I travelled down to Texas (4.5 hours there, 6 hours back) and visited my dad's ashes. I wasn't alone like I was predicting, which was odd in the best way possible.... Read more...
grief really does hit you out of nowhere
grief really does hit you out of nowhere
6/19/2026 00:24 Do you ever just think about the fact that we are quite literally just small humans living on a massive rock floating through space? Like we don't matter.... Read more...
my nervous system exhaled
6/17/2026 00:33 I discovered what true peace in the presence of another human being feels like for the first time. And it's not what I expected.  I expected some type of fanfare in my brain, maybe a huge sign letting me know I made it. But instead... I got a nervous system that is absolutely exhausted. In the best way possible. With this human? I was asked where I was at mentally. Like... excuse me? What? Nobody has ever really stopped to care if I was in a good or... Read more...
Scream into the void
Scream into the void
6/11/2026 13:33 TW: childhood abuse, sexual abuse, suicidal ideation, self-harm  My mother once told me that I could never be a full time author. When I told her about this... Read more...
Gateway Experience Wave 1 & 2
6/11/2026 00:51 Tonight, the anger rolls off of me in waves. It has been a lot lately. But tonight? Peace, love, throat punch would be the theme.  I accelerated my healing journey. On purpose. The things coming up for me are wild. I started doing the Gateway Experience yesterday... and fuck. FUCK. It's intense in the best way possible. Gateway Experience Wave 1 - 6/9/2026 - stoned. I went in and at the 24 minute mark I had to pause it. I almost fully left my body and scared myself... Read more...
I allow myself to rest and start again tomorrow.
I allow myself to rest and start again tomorrow.
6/9/2026 16:28  The last day and a half have been a bit excessive if we are being honest. Yesterday morning I woke up and immediately called on all 13 of... Read more...
Really, Snapchat?
6/7/2026 11:56 I woke up this morning and was met with a Snapchat notification about this:  Like… WHAT????  Excuse me?  The funny thing about trauma is I didn’t even remember this event. I remembered other times similar things happen. But this one? Specifically?? No. Gone from my memory.  It really makes me ANGRY. Like so angry that I am screaming about it from the rooftops. This got posted everywhere. I am no longer silent. I am not a victim of my childhood and adulthood any longer. I was 23 when... Read more...
Song series: Daydream by Lily Meola
Song series: Daydream by Lily Meola
Song: Daydream by Lily Meola 6/6/2026 This song came on and I had to stop eating to sing it. Like no joke, I stopped consuming food for this song.... to... Read more...
'manifestation' is a trip
6/5/2026 22:57  And just like that... Everything I manifested is coming into my life. I said NO to something that was almost right but not quite... and this thing started to fall out of my life, slowly... then all at once. I was conscious of the entire process, I have been fully watching my reality for a bit.  But tonight? Oh shit, tonight... I got ANGRY. I was legitimately pissed the fuck off. I even said f you to the UNIVERSE, to the DIVINE. Now, to be fair, I've done... Read more...
i forgive myself...
i forgive myself...
6/2/2026 23:39  The Odd Life of Timothy Green  TW: child loss, pregnancy loss, PTSD First off, this movie literally teaches you about manifesting and putting energy into something within the... Read more...
Potential IS real
Potential IS real
6/2/2026 21:48 I just read something that says: "The potential you see in other people isn't real, it is a projection of what you would do in their position." And... Read more...
Temperance is the goal
Temperance is the goal
6/2/2026 12:48 Hello, darkness, my old friend. I knew I'd find you here, in the halls of my mind. You have always been lurking, waiting for me to come find... Read more...
my throat chakra is OPENING
my throat chakra is OPENING
5/31/2026 11:10  TW: suicidal ideation, childhood abuse.  I had to be quiet in my home growing up. I didn't feel as though I was allowed to be out of my... Read more...
always raising the bar...
5/30/2026 19:56  I find myself realizing that I have a huge expectation for other human beings to match me. Like match me completely, bar for bar. Not with productivity. Not with love. Not with devotion. But with mutuality in every single aspect of life.  I have raised the bar on myself so fucking high that I can't stand the thought of someone being in my life who doesn't have the same bar for themselves. I choose healing. I choose self love. I choose myself over literally everything in my life... Read more...
I’m choosing tenacity…
5/30/2026 01:19 It’s interesting to me that my mindset a few years ago was, “I can’t get hurt, I don’t think I’ll survive.” Now it’s, “Getting hurt is part of being human. It’s what we do after the hurting that matters.” We can’t walk through life with the fear of getting hurt and expect to learn anything. We have to be hurt in order to be living the true human experience.   We either go through life vexed by it or with a tenacity that overpowers everything else. Which are... Read more...
Healing is this gif...
Healing is this gif...
5/28/2026 I realized tonight I have been perpetuating my own stuckness. I keep believing that I have gotten to the final layer of healing a certain aspect of self, but... Read more...
Song series: Architect by Livingston
Song series: Architect by Livingston
Song: Architect by Livingston 5/27/2026 Gosh this song… I discovered it when I first started going through my spiritual awakening. I could feel that I was meant for something greater... Read more...
I woke up in my body last night...
I woke up in my body last night...
TW: suicidal ideation, childhood sexual abuse, panic attacks 5/20/2026 I have a story time. I woke up in my body last night the rest of the way. I had been... Read more...